For the past couple of weeks I’ve run myself through the stress-mill about a particular project, which by now is overdue. Mostly I enjoy high energy and a fair amount of get-it-done gumption, but from time to time I hit some internal wall that puts me in this situation.
If you’re stressing out about something you cannot control, the solution lies in acceptance, or else in putting yourself out of range (physically, emotionally) of the stressor. But if you’re stressing out about something you do control — well, it’s only your own fault. Let me just leap to add the corrective here: this situation is only my own fault.
I hate saying I’m “stressed out” (look, I can’t even bear to write it without quotation marks) for the same reason I hate to say I’m “busy”. People are all the time saying “I’m so busy” — as though life has visited this condition upon them, when in fact their schedules are packed by their own choosing. Thyroid cancer, that descends on your beyond your own control. Not “busy” — “busy” is your own damn choice.
Ditto “stressed out”. There are people with ten times as much grief in their lives as I have, yet they don’t stress about it because they have a better grip on their situations. Invariably when I feel this way, it’s because of something I’ve done — or, more typically, failed to do. Maybe I haven’t completed the project, or maybe I haven’t even started the project, or maybe I haven’t gotten clear on what the project is and what I expect from myself in the course of it.
The antidote is to undo all of these things. Get clear on your responsibility, even if you do so only to then beg off from it altogether. Get clear on your timetable and how much work is going to be required of you to meet it; this may imply renegotiating other, outside responsibilities that will have to sit on the back burner for a while. Get clear on the very next step you have to take to get the project moving.* Do that thing, and then some other little thing that nudges you in the right direction, and then something else.
I’ve used this metaphor before: Sometimes a basketball player, even a great scorer like Michael Jordan, will open a game flat. Nothing feels right, nothing looks right, the ball leaves his hand the wrong way, every shot is clanging off the rim or missing entirely. Experienced players have a good antidote for this: they work for one easy shot. They get a layup, or a couple of free throws. A breakaway dunk. Whatever. But they do something to put the ball in the hole one time to get themselves unstuck. This frees them of their mental funk — the basketball version of “stressing out” — so that they can get back into their normal ways of playing and scoring.
My engine has been running high lately: I’m giving a lot of energy to a number of projects that are important to me. But I know the engine has been wasting a lot of its horsepower in friction and vibration. Now (and dig the artful [?] mashup of my two metaphors), I’m looking for layups to get the engine better aligned with the transmission. So, expect a lot more posts here as I work to get things off of my mind, and just to experience the satisfaction of getting some things done.
‘Cuz this being “stressed out” thing? It stinks.
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*Yes, you hear the echo of David Allen here.