Starting Over

January 2nd, 2018

It’s a new year, sure, but it’s also a new chapter in my life. The most important relationship I’ve ever had has drawn to a close, so this is a season of transitions, learning, rebirth.

Rebirth is painful. You have to start all over, but without the infant’s naivete that carried you through the last time. You feel it all — or you should, if you want the experience to educate you. It’s horrifying, lonely, and wrenching, but also electrifying, vivid, and rejuvenating.

If you’ll let it be. If you’ll learn the lessons. If you’ll embody the experience without looking away from the worst parts.

You have to live the worst parts, go ahead and live through them, so that you can learn the lessons. That’s what makes it so hard.

This year, then, I’m cleaning the slate. New clients, new projects, new writing of my own; new fitness regime, new mindfulness; new friendships, new habits, new patterns. Questioning the old scripts and the old ways, keeping only the ones that bring me joy or still teach me something new.

In this process, I’m seeking to make amends — not that I was ever an addict, thank goodness, but that, in living through the emotional hardships of the past years, I’ve taken my eye off the ball with too many friends and clients, and with too many projects that would have been worthy had I carried them through.

That is partly — no small part — about making amends with myself. Forgiving myself for my shortcomings and mistakes, and making it right with myself by living through my talents to make the world around me better. Doing my real work, and being a real light to those around me.

When I’m doing it right, I feel grateful, even for the heartbreaks. They’ve brought me to this point, where I’m truly ready to grow into the person I’m supposed to be.

May we all have a fruitful journey.

[Image source]

12 Responses to “Starting Over”

  1. Wendy Says:

    Thanks for your openness and wishing you the best. And yes, may we all have a fruitful journey.

  2. Tim Walker Says:

    Thank you, Wendy!

  3. Gini Dietrich Says:

    Love you, friend! Happy New Year!

  4. Tim Walker Says:

    Thank you, Gini!

  5. Liz Says:

    May the Path ahead be less rocky. Sending you the best.

  6. Tim Walker Says:

    Thank you, Liz.

  7. Glenda Walker Says:

    All our love and support always!

  8. BPLewis Says:

    I admire your courage in writing so personally and continue to cheer you from afar!

  9. Tim Walker Says:

    Thanks, Brendan. Lunch next time I’m up there, yes?

  10. Ed Says:

    We may not always agree but I always respect what you have to say. It obviously comes from a place of careful thought and desire for what is right and good. That is honorable and I applaud you!

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